| When many people think of giving, they think of | | | | effect intended. The receiver, instead of feeling |
| gifts and a commercialized Christmas season. Yet | | | | gratitude, will feel resentment. Some gifts are |
| giving happens in every aspect of life and it | | | | actually 'white elephants'. These rare creatures are |
| includes intangible things such as time and | | | | hugely expensive to take care of, yet because of |
| attention. Many people over-give to the point of | | | | their rarity and spiritual significance, are not |
| hurting themselves. People also often give the | | | | allowed to be put to work. This is a gift that hurts |
| wrong thing. This happens very often in | | | | the receiver. |
| relationships where one person gives someone | | | | How to Make Intelligent Giving Decisions: |
| something that isn't wanted. | | | | - The first step to give intelligently, correctly, |
| Bruce Painter, author and consultant says, "If you | | | | joyfully and truthfully is to communicate. |
| can give effectively and intelligently, it is the | | | | Communicate openly at work and at home. This |
| secret to getting what you want; more | | | | means talking and listening. |
| importantly, it's the secret to giving others what | | | | - Be willing to ask people what they want and be |
| they want. If you can give others what they | | | | willing to tell others what you want. Very few |
| want, you're going to get what you want." | | | | people are willing to do that. |
| Bruce found himself in a situation where he gave | | | | - When you give to people, check with them and |
| everything he had away, and had nothing left. He | | | | see if it is really what they want. Their situation |
| was exhausted, in pain, and overspent. He had | | | | might change and you don't want to force it. |
| nothing left and became selfish in response. | | | | The Character of a Good Giver: |
| Through his painful experiences, he developed a | | | | - Be accountable rather than blaming. The most |
| plan to help others learn the basics of giving | | | | successful people are accountable. They take |
| intelligently. | | | | responsibility for what they are doing. Leaders will |
| The first key is to understand when you are | | | | not point fingers at someone else, but look at |
| giving and who you should be giving to. Giving | | | | themselves when things are not going well and |
| happens in relationships because giving, even to a | | | | try to see how they contributed to the problem. |
| random beggar, creates a relationship. While you | | | | Likewise, they look for how they can contribute |
| can give to anyone, the one person you can't | | | | to a solution. |
| afford not to give to, is yourself. Most people | | | | Types of Giving: |
| know about sacrificial giving - usually time or | | | | - Insincere or selfish giving. This is giving because |
| money. Intelligent giving is also listening and loving. | | | | you want to get something back. |
| The second key of giving is to recognize the signs | | | | - Giving out of obligation is the type of giving that |
| of unintelligent giving. Every parent knows that | | | | is not done from the heart. Known as the 'guilt |
| their kids will ask for things that aren't good for | | | | trip.' There is no pleasure in it, and the giver feels |
| them and they aren't the only ones. Beyond | | | | coerced into it. |
| immediate harm, there is longer-term harm to | | | | - Mechanical giving has no real life or spirit in it. |
| watch out for. Such as the creation of | | | | Ritual tithing often turns into this. |
| dependency that constant giving creates or | | | | - The ultimate type of giving is given freely. It is a |
| inappropriate gifts that kill, rather than strengthen | | | | joy and a pleasure. It is the type of giving when |
| relationships. | | | | you hit the giving zone. It is giving intelligently, |
| Here are some examples: | | | | giving to people what they want and allowing |
| - Giving too much to children can actually cause | | | | them to give back. |
| them to be unprepared for life. If a mother | | | | Empowering others is a very important part of |
| always cooks every meal for her children, even in | | | | giving. Teach others to give. This type of giving |
| a spirit of generous giving, they will never learn | | | | feeds the community. It can make a difference in |
| the basics of choosing and preparing their own | | | | the lives of everyone a person touches. Teaching |
| food. You might not think this is not so serious if | | | | others to give will have a huge impact and change |
| an adult has to live off restaurants and | | | | the world. Teaching children to be givers feeds |
| microwave dinners but think if this same thing is | | | | the future. |
| done with money. Giving money, without a need | | | | Children need to learn the joy of giving from a |
| to earn, creates disastrous irresponsibility. The | | | | very young age. Give them the opportunity to |
| child, now a young adult, probably won't even | | | | give to others and they will feel proud about |
| understand why it is so hard for them to get | | | | having the ability to give. Giving also teaches |
| respect. | | | | children responsibility. |
| - Giving the wrong thing in a relationship due to | | | | Be a proactive, intelligent giver, developing your |
| lack of communication often has the opposite | | | | values and principles to reach your full potential. |