| When many people think of giving, they think | | | | expensive to take care of, yet because of |
| of gifts and a commercialized Christmas | | | | their rarity and spiritual significance, are |
| season. Yet giving happens in every aspect of | | | | not allowed to be put to work. This is a gift |
| life and it includes intangible things such | | | | that hurts the receiver. |
| as time and attention. Many people over-give | | | | |
| to the point of hurting themselves. People | | | | How to Make Intelligent Giving Decisions: |
| also often give the wrong thing. This | | | | |
| happens very often in relationships where one | | | | - The first step to give intelligently, |
| person gives someone something that isn't | | | | correctly, joyfully and truthfully is to |
| wanted. | | | | communicate. Communicate openly at work and |
| | | | at home. This means talking and listening. |
| Bruce Painter, author and consultant says, | | | | |
| "If you can give effectively and | | | | - Be willing to ask people what they want and |
| intelligently, it is the secret to getting | | | | be willing to tell others what you want. |
| what you want; more importantly, it's the | | | | Very few people are willing to do that. |
| secret to giving others what they want. If | | | | |
| you can give others what they want, you're | | | | - When you give to people, check with them |
| going to get what you want." | | | | and see if it is really what they want. |
| | | | Their situation might change and you don't |
| Bruce found himself in a situation where he | | | | want to force it. |
| gave everything he had away, and had nothing | | | | |
| left. He was exhausted, in pain, and | | | | The Character of a Good Giver: |
| overspent. He had nothing left and became | | | | |
| selfish in response. Through his painful | | | | - Be accountable rather than blaming. The |
| experiences, he developed a plan to help | | | | most successful people are accountable. They |
| others learn the basics of giving | | | | take responsibility for what they are doing. |
| intelligently. | | | | Leaders will not point fingers at someone |
| | | | else, but look at themselves when things are |
| The first key is to understand when you are | | | | not going well and try to see how they |
| giving and who you should be giving to. | | | | contributed to the problem. Likewise, they |
| Giving happens in relationships because | | | | look for how they can contribute to a |
| giving, even to a random beggar, creates a | | | | solution. |
| relationship. While you can give to anyone, | | | | |
| the one person you can't afford not to give | | | | Types of Giving: |
| to, is yourself. Most people know about | | | | |
| sacrificial giving - usually time or money. | | | | - Insincere or selfish giving. This is |
| Intelligent giving is also listening and | | | | giving because you want to get something |
| loving. | | | | back. |
| | | | |
| The second key of giving is to recognize the | | | | - Giving out of obligation is the type of |
| signs of unintelligent giving. Every parent | | | | giving that is not done from the heart. Known |
| knows that their kids will ask for things | | | | as the 'guilt trip.' There is no pleasure in |
| that aren't good for them and they aren't the | | | | it, and the giver feels coerced into it. |
| only ones. Beyond immediate harm, there is | | | | |
| longer-term harm to watch out for. Such as | | | | - Mechanical giving has no real life or |
| the creation of dependency that constant | | | | spirit in it. Ritual tithing often turns into |
| giving creates or inappropriate gifts that | | | | this. |
| kill, rather than strengthen relationships. | | | | |
| | | | - The ultimate type of giving is given |
| Here are some examples: | | | | freely. It is a joy and a pleasure. It is |
| | | | the type of giving when you hit the giving |
| - Giving too much to children can actually | | | | zone. It is giving intelligently, giving to |
| cause them to be unprepared for life. If a | | | | people what they want and allowing them to |
| mother always cooks every meal for her | | | | give back. |
| children, even in a spirit of generous | | | | |
| giving, they will never learn the basics of | | | | Empowering others is a very important part of |
| choosing and preparing their own food. You | | | | giving. Teach others to give. This type of |
| might not think this is not so serious if an | | | | giving feeds the community. It can make a |
| adult has to live off restaurants and | | | | difference in the lives of everyone a person |
| microwave dinners but think if this same | | | | touches. Teaching others to give will have a |
| thing is done with money. Giving money, | | | | huge impact and change the world. Teaching |
| without a need to earn, creates disastrous | | | | children to be givers feeds the future. |
| irresponsibility. The child, now a young | | | | |
| adult, probably won't even understand why it | | | | Children need to learn the joy of giving from |
| is so hard for them to get respect. | | | | a very young age. Give them the opportunity |
| | | | to give to others and they will feel proud |
| - Giving the wrong thing in a relationship | | | | about having the ability to give. Giving |
| due to lack of communication often has the | | | | also teaches children responsibility. |
| opposite effect intended. The receiver, | | | | |
| instead of feeling gratitude, will feel | | | | Be a proactive, intelligent giver, developing |
| resentment. Some gifts are actually 'white | | | | your values and principles to reach your full |
| elephants'. These rare creatures are hugely | | | | potential. |